God chose me.

Tonight was the candlelight service at church.
The traditional Christmas Eve:
Get the fam to church, sing some Christmas songs, light a candle, go home.
For me it wasn't so traditional this year.
God really spoke to me.
I believe it had everything to do with me choosing to listen.
Rather than grudgingly singing Christmas songs, I listened to them.
I savored every word.
Let me tell you this:
that's some good stuff.

Pastor Tony then spoke and identified us, as normal people, with the shepherds.
He said that they were outcasts.
They were outsiders and began to act that way by living ungodly lives.
We are the shepherds.
He didn't stop there, leave us feeling gross, and send us home though.
The last time I checked every nativity scene has a couple shepherds hanging around.
They didn't just decide to drop in because they heard a kid crying.
They were chosen.
God shined a light down from heaven and He chose them.
They followed His light and were lead to a King.
I've heard many times that we are like the shepherds blah blah.
But tonight, I listened.

A video was played that showed the journey of Mary & Joseph.
It showed the journey of the wisemen.
It also showed the journey of the shepherds.
That's us.
There was a part in the video where it showed the star shining its light down to the shepherds.
It was simple and powerful.
I am so undeserving.
My Jesus is so great.
All I am is a nasty, gross, disgusting, terrible shepherd.
God said, "I chose you."
I cried.

We are shepherds.
We are gross.
God chose us.
Why wouldn't we make our journey and follow Him?
Would we not want to leave our sheepish baggage for something greater?
I don't understand why we want to hang around in the fields.
God chose us.
We should be more than happy to follow the light God shines for us.
It's a journey for sure.
An adventure.
It'll be hard.
But He'll guide you the entire way.
The end of our journey is the best part.
We meet our King.
Our Lord.
God.
Jesus.
Follow Him now.
God chose you.

Obviously there were candles involved in the "candlelight service"
They were bright.
When all were lit the sanctuary was glowing in a beautiful way and we sang Silent Night.
So many candles.
It was glorious.
Our God is glorious.
We may have thought that our candles were bright but this is where it gets better:
The glory of God shines brighter than 10,000 suns.
Wow.

"And the shepherds returned glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told to them." Luke 2:20

Worship Him this Christmas.

Aquariums are nifty.

Yesterday I embarked on an adventure with my family.
We went to the aquarium.
As always, it was magical.
It looked a little like this:

Parties of Pomegranate.

Last night two best friends and I had a pomegranate party.
How does one have such a party?
This is how: 

cards&snuggles

Recipe for a Pomegranate Party:

• get friends. you need these.
• Papa Murphy's Pizza. Mighty Murphy's...no.
• hang with extended fam...(optional)
• visit friend while babysitting. deliver pizza&pomegranate. meet kids. 
• immaturely jump out of car. run after friends car. you need the exercise. 
• back home. eat pomegranate seeds. main event. party isn't over yet. 
• sing along to Disney songs on the wii. add your own solo if you're feelin it. reach for the stars.
• make hot chocolate and russian tea to soothe the now worked vocal chords. 
• play Harry Potter Uno. get too competitive with self-made rules. dumbleeedoreeee. 
• watch Hot Rod. #win
• "go to bed"-bash each others hopes, dreams, and personality types.
• sleep
• daylight donuts. yes. thank you, Jamie. 

This is all you need. Enjoy. 

Days of blur.

Last night was the first night to myself in far too long.

A night without: 

an assignment 

the promised schedule of the following day 

an obligation

the only chance I'll be able to sleep for a while

ect.

Last night never really ended.

The morning came without a defining moment that was blaring in my sleeping ears that a new day had begun.

Last night was for me. 

My evening began with the best Christmas present I have ever recieved:                                                                                                                                                          

 A letter of gratitude. 

A Christmas tree.

And the face of a boy that I love.

At the site of these I began to weep. I can't tell you when the last time was that I cried like I did when I received these things.

I hated myself for 

where I was

what I had

and that I have wanted more.

I hated myself because I was here in America.

sitting on my bed.

in front of my laptop.

surrounded by my possessions.

and he was there.

Jesus calmed me. 

He says that Lesther is as much as His child as I am and that he does not show favoritism among His children.

Lesther is in the hand of my Jesus. 

Just like me.

And God has Him where He has Him for a reason. 

This is one of the biggest challenges of my faith:

to trust God's justness. 

My mind was not meant to understand it and this is where my faith steps in. 

Still a challenge.

The night went on. 

It was wonderful.

I cleaned my room

did two loads of laundry 

I read

and I looked forward to coffee with a dear friend at 5:30 am.

I have yet to mention my favorite part of the night.

Or morning.

I couldn't tell the difference.

It was when I painted. 

I painted my walls. 

Not all of them. 

Just enough....for now.

I painted flowers.

Two kinds:

first were the flowers of my imagination

and second, a small garden of flowers more likely to be seen by others and not just myself. 

Although the memories of this may wander from my mind..

this night.morning.time. will not be forgotten by my walls. 

This night was when my walls made friends with flowers.

How could they forget a new friend that never ceases to dance upon their surface..

4:30 rolled around and I had the pleasure of a long and hot shower.

I later found myself at around 5:30:

I was at Starbucks

sitting with a friend

drinking coffee

enjoying his company

his stories of Jesus

and a warm scone that we "waited so long for"

we talked and we laughed 

we shared truth and life

and the best part was when we prayed.

that is always the best part.

we parted ways.

7:30 am found me:

still at Starbucks

sitting on a couch

on the patio

in front of the fire

watching the rain.

I went home and finally slept around 8am.

Not for long though

A movie-date was waiting on me

I watched

I rested

I loved. 

between the end of this time and now I find a blur. 

I don't remember much from the daylight.

I babysit now

Oh the joy of children

They are beautiful

It is dark again.

I put them to bed. 

"Can I sleep in my chloset?"

Tonight, yes you can. 

Only because I cannot find it in me to say no to your simple, adventurous request.

It's quiet now.

Night lives on.

Today is freedom.

One semester behind me. Forever.

These past few months have pushed me to my limit so many times.
And so many times I have broken.
Let the floodgates open because here comes my weakness. 
That was me. 

So many times I let this world get under my skin. 
But in the end my Jesus always says:

“Take heart, for I have overcome the world.” 

and He has. 
He overcame this semester and here I am.
I sit on my bed taking in the ethereal concept of days full of:
sleep
crafting
friends
enjoying my family
books
days and nights of relaxation
movie-dates
coffee-dates
thrifting
crafting
Christmas
nothing
pleasure
crafting
crafting
crafting
lastly,
soaking up the rest. the joy. the peace. the comfort. of my Jesus<3
We made it through this together. 
Here I am, world.
Closer to my Jesus than before.
You have not won. 
I am free.